To my future little one: Today is April 1. It has been over 6 months since our homestudy went to Korea. I was certain by now I would have a photo of you, know who you are, and start fixing your room and cooing over clothes. Instead, I am anxious. I jump when my phone rings, keep myself busy and avoid looking at baby items for the fear I will jinx us. Your big sister to be blew out her candles a few weeks ago and wished for you, a second year in a row. As she pronounced it I promised her that you would be sitting next to her next year. I try to show a brave face as everyone says have you gotten the call, trying not to look defeated. I try to not live in the future but I know it will be wonderful with you. I pray for you my darling. Soon I hope to see your face.