Friday, September 11, 2009

Aussie: always remembered, always a friend




It was 6 days ago Sept. 5th that we lost our dear dog Aussie. It was such a painful day but one we knew that was coming. Ever since we got back from the beach she had not been well, limping and showing her age. When we returned home from Korea, a recheck informed us that she had cancer in her bones. Because of her age (12 years) it and the expected outcome we were left with a waiting game. Enjoy her, but offer her peace. Then last Thurs. Joe took her in for a recheck. We knew it wouldn't be good. She couldn't make it up the few steps outside, she had labored breathing, and was eating less (a huge sign for Aussie). Our worst fear was true. We were given til Saturday to say our goodbyes. Friday night I barely slept, waking to hear her breathing and rubbing her ears. But as Saturday came we all felt dread in our stomach, none of us had ever put a dog down. Before she left for the vet I fed her everything bad that she would eat and once craved. But after a few bites she was full. She rolled over and let me pet her ears and rub her belly. Then Joe took her outside. He threw the frisbee to her one last time and she ran after it with one last bit of energy then sat at his feet (a rare case). I sat watching from inside, tears pouring down. Then they left. He returned with her and we buried her in the back yard. as the days have passed I am reminded of her and miss little things most, like her eating crumbs dropped or letting her out or petting her before I go to bed. In the last few years she had become so close to me, which is strange because of our beginning. So here is my story of Aussie: When I first heard of Aussie we had not met. Instead I knew she belonged to this guy Joe. He, a friend, Aussie and my dog wey nt camping. Well my dog Molly returned with a cut from Aussie going after food. I wanted nothing to do with her. Then a few years later I remet Joe. We became friends and I was invited to his apartment. There I witnessed not a dog being trained but a dog training a man. When she wanted a treat, she went to the pantry and barked, he jumped up and got it. They shared a bed, futon and hours of frisbee tossing (she would catch it in the air. As our relationship changed you could tell there was jealousy. There she would try to push me off the couch or push my arm away from his. But we had an understanding. then we got married. Our dogs did not mesh, mine mellow, Aussie fiesty. We went through many years of her eating my underwear, toilet paper, diapers, any type of food in reach, human reach (cake, chocolates, purses, hair things). Then Molly died, a loss that still plagues me and yes it was cancer. I hate cancer. The day she died I cried til I had no tears and Aussie caringly stuck her nose into my hand and stayed there. She aged that day. No more wild Aussie. And that day she warmed my heart, I wish you were here now. She comforted me as I struggled. She was there as we adopted Abigail and she was always a welcome home. We were worried with Abigail but she did great. She allowed Abigail to chase her in the walker, throw a ball and drive her crazy. Abigail's first word was Aussie and one of my favorite videos was of Abigail hold a phone up to Aussie yelling Aussie. They were great friends. I know it will hit Abigail little by little. Now there is no more barking at the UPS man or a need to go out. We took her to the beach this summer and even though she couldn't do much you could tell she was happy to be included. As her last reminder she left behind plenty of fur, crumbs and one last pair of eaten underwear. I found the night after she died. It is to quiet and we are all handling our grief in different ways, Joe keeps it in to himself, Abigail has a tantrum or cries for a minute at night and I am a crying mess. If Aussie could read this I would want her to know you that you were not the dog I asked for but the one I needed and the one I will always miss and love. You were an amazing friend.

Sunday, August 30, 2009





Seasons are starting to change

I am starting to see the changes in seasons this weekend. And as I notice less crickets cherping or the faded green in the trees, I reflect on an amazing summer. It is something that was at times hard to see because I was so involved in it. You some times get drug down with the mundane actions such as doing laundry or rushing from one activity to another and later realize it is gone. But gone it is not. It is a memory I hope to always treasure. It started with my commitment to spend time with my family this summer, which I will never regret and will always love Joe for supporting me in doing, to completing our family with Nathaniel. An amazing trip to Korea, filled with fear, quickly turned into a love of the country, it's people and my son. A summer watching my children play and love as if they had always known one another, as if God had said it in a story and it was done. Why I couldn't see it before makes me wonder. A summer of tears for our dog Aussie who was told she had a short time to live due to cancer, has lead to a dog who faithfully carries on and wants to join in, bless you my sweet dog, who knew how much I would grow to love you. A summer filled with making pancakes, swimming at the Y (Aba swam for the first time without any type of saftey gear), playing at the park, playing with friends, blowing bubbles, riding bikes and yes doing housework. It was a summer of reconnecting. Abigail has reached out to her foster family and birth family through a translator in Guatemala who I consider a friend and hope to some day meet. I reached out to old friends, who I had thought about for years, and now can talk to anytime. It has also been difficult at times, teething and sleepless nights with Nate, my grandmother not knowing me, Abigail having 4 year old moments. But all of those seem small, fleeting. I will remember first tooth, pulling up, Abigail spelling her name, camping out, Joe's shows, kisses, tears of joy and most of all a completeness. Abigail asked me yesterday what I always wanted when I was a little girl. And the truth was, you could not have ever bought it in a store. I wanted 2 things, a happy family, the kind that dealt with challenges as a team and celebrated joy as one as well. I also wanted a neighborhood, where neighbors walked and waved. Where if you saw someone you knew, they reached out and gave you a hug. This summer I realized I got my wish. It may have been 27 years after I first wished it, but I have it. And it is not just because I wished it but because of all the love and support of the people who have reached into my life. Thank you all. For now, I am ready for fall, a new season lies ahead, filled with pumpkins, leaves, and the smell of wood burning. I can't wait!